I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Everyone says I win the strip club
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
