Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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