She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
