I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
