"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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