My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize