Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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