Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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