I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
