Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
