Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
