i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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