Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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