I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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