we're blogging at a bar
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
