Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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