currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
