On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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