I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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