True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
