We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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