he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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