Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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