He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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