I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
