Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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