I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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