you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
