forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
