HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
