i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
