I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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