fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize