So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
