Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
