I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
