JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
