I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
