But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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