I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
