And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
