Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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