Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
