how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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