Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
