you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What a dumb baby whore.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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