CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
high people should be assigned attendants
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
