So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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