we have officially lost it.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
