your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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