Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
