if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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