New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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