this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
