Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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