I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
