My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
