Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
