Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
