We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Houston, we have a blender
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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