i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
