At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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