I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
