I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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