I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
