just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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