I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
