I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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