shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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