Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed