we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just want nice things and good sex
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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