Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..