Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name